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Song Information:

She may well be the spawn of demons, a thoroughly unpleasant bad egg, and beneath derision, and I accept that she probably wants to force all the right-thinking people of the USA to rape the environment, slaughter cuddly creatures, force barely post-pubescent girls to be continually pregnant, drill for oil in the most charming of places, and force every child in schools to pray hourly; nonetheless, when I saw Mr Matt Lauer use loaded questions to cast contemptuous, sexist aspersions on the family, character, unwomanly audacity in seeking office, and general offensiveness of Alaska's Governor Palin, I felt stirred to cast a few contumelious calumniations his way. Mind you, for a long time I have considered that most morning television presenters are particularly despicable and, in this song, Mr Lauer represents all those who pretend to be journalists, who present the most complex of issues in the most simplistic of terms, and who never have more than a few minutes to spare for the most important of stories yet always have plenty of time for banal banter with co-presenters. This is by no means meant to be fair, reasoned or balanced: as far as I know (and I have neither evidence nor reason to suspect otherwise), Mr Lauer is not proctorychan, phalloleichous, metrerastic or coprophagous; nevertheless, I do hold that he and the majority of those psephologarchical, ochlocratic, loathsome lickspittles with similar positions in the media display moral cowardice by never attacking wrongs unless polling demonstrates a high probability of popular support. I also hold that he and his contemptible confederates distort evidence and manipulate opinion in order to revile people whom they oppose and to extol those whom they favour.

Song Lyrics:

WARNING: the following warning contains many naughty words.

Warning: this song contains several words which are rightly considered by clean-living, decent people as very naughty; in fact, of the seven words, in George Carlin's famous list of seven words you cannot say on television, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits, this song (particularly if you count variant forms, such as cock-sucking instead of cocksucker) contains a fairly high percentage thereof. It is highly unlikely, therefore, that this song will feature on The Today Show very soon.

Matt Lauer is a glib but dim-witted dullard,
but the famous will call the tit by his first name!
Matt Lauer regrettably has immense power;
obsequious, top dog in the media game.

Matt Lauer, a piss-poor excuse for a mouthpiece,
he's a liar, a fraud who must feign to show care.
Matt Lauer, sycophantic, turd-burgling bastard,
he's an arsehole, a cunt who pretends to be fair.

Matt Lauer, a cock-sucking, arrogant coward,
he's an arsewipe, a prick who is full of hot air.
Matt Lauer, motherfucking, shit-eating bastard,
he's an arsehole, a cunt who pretends to be fair.
He's an arsehole, he's a cunt who pretends to be fair.