Macidol Mac music community

Song Information:

Written, composed and recorded on Sunday 24 September, 2006, between 13.00 and 18.00.

A male version will come later.

As you may work out for yourself, this diet is easy to follow: apart from eating sensibly and exercising sufficiently, you practice whacking instead of snacking, beating instead of eating, jilling instead of filling, rubbing instead of grubbing ...

Feel free to add your own verses, and record your own version.

Beneath all the levity of the subject, there is a serious message here. There are some people in the over-fed West who eat so much that they become overweight, and sometimes even morbidly obese, merely because of boredom and loneliness. The temporary feelings of pleasure that the theobromine-rich chocolate or sugar-laden sweets provide are outweighed by the feelings of loneliness engendered by perceiving that their chubbier bodies are less attractive to others, and this leads to the vicious cycle of eating ever more "comfort" food but of then being ever less comfortable and more lonely. Wanking, however, burns calories instead of stacking on the fat, and if society in general could get over its problem with a practice which most men and many women already enjoy, then the world, and more particularly, the people within it, would be in better shape and, with luck, they would even be able to share their bounty with more of those not in the West who have far, far too little.

Song Lyrics:

Whenever you feel peckish and it's not time for a meal,
just drink a glass of water and then go and cop a feel.
You will never need to suffer, or pay some hefty fee,
for the masturbation diet is absolutely free.

If a colleague at the office should offer you some cake
do not accept but grab instead a rub-a-cunny break.
It might be in a restroom or in some secluded nook,
and sometimes you might need to take a magazine or book.

Read the map of Tassy, part the Red Sea,
toss the pink salad, search for Mrs G.,
tickle your kitty, do not fill your tum:
rub your acorn, don't go until you come.

If you're out window shopping and you see a tempting treat,
don't buy it but instead go find a hidden, comfy seat;
and whether you're at home, at work, or in your little car,
the masturbation diet is the pleasantest by far.

Invite a friend, if so inclined, to give this thing a try:
it clears up the complexion, and it brightens up the eye;
you never need to sign a plan, or eat expensively,
for the masturbation diet is absolutely free.

Butter your bagel, make your puppy cry,
buff your muffin, or work out at the Y.,
Tickle your kitty, do not feel so glum:
rub your acorn, and stay until you come.

Read the map of Tassy, part the Red Sea,
toss the pink salad, search for Mrs G.,
butter your bagel, make your puppy cry,
buff your muffin, or work out at the Y.,
tickle your kitty, do not mind your mum:
rub your acorn, don't go until you come.

[This didn't make the cut:

I know of comfort foods' allure, the biccies and the choc's;
but when you're sad and lonely, girl, go choose another box.
Avoid the fatty Gaiety beware the bad Tim Tam,
instead of stuffing your fat face, go feed your bearded clam.

Home-made food is always best, under this suburban sky,
and best of all the home-made treats is fish and finger pie.
Expensive books and famous plans are never what you need
for the masturbation diet is fully guaranteed.]